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I went to see the Pan Pacific today. I had no intention of going as I was training in Miyazaki. Perhaps I thought that I wasn’t ready to watch the race that I was supposed to be racing in. But two weeks ago, a person from America I know since I started off as a young open water swimmer insisted that although it will definitely be a very hard thing for me to do, I go and watch the race. “I can’t watch it” was an answer I gave to him. I just couldn’t even imagine it. My mind hadn’t changed until the very last minute. It was a difficult decision to make, but I decided to go. Many of my friends, rivals, coaches who I met from training in several different countries were all there in Tateyama where I started my journey of becoming an open water swimmer. It was an unbelievable site. They all came to me, talked to me and gave me hugs despite the race being minutes away from starting. I was happy to see them, but that hurt. THAT. HURT. What on Earth am I doing here not competing? If I was racing, I could have won a medal. Competitors who were in the race was a little easier to beat than the previous Pan Pacific from 4 years ago. Other than the winner today, I have already beaten before I got sick. BUT, THERE IS NO “IF”. Tateyama was the first open water race I competed, and this sea was the sea where I became Japanese champion. This sea was where I sailed off to the big world. The reality of not being in Tateyama as a competitor today set in. There will be no more Pan Pacific held in my hometown. Since 2nd of June, I have been feeling a terrible pain in my chest. My stomach hurts daily. Good night sleep was a thing of the past. I thought that I was mentally tough all my life, and I didn’t understand what was happening to my body. Why haven’t I taken some rest earlier? I was at my peak after high altitude training up in mountains, I was too cocky. I couldn’t ask my coach to rest my body despite the fact that I needed it. I wanted to challenge myself but that thought took over control of my body. Why did I race a week before Pan Pacific? Why didn’t I tape a time chip like how I usually do? During the qualifying race, my hand hit another competitor’s hand which made
2018/08/15

I went to see the Pan Pacific today. I had no intention of going as I was training in Miyazaki. Perhaps I thought that I wasn’t ready to watch the race that I was supposed to be racing in. But two weeks ago, a person from America I know since I started off as a young open water swimmer insisted that although it will definitely be a very hard thing for me to do, I go and watch the race. “I can’t watch it” was an answer I gave to him. I just couldn’t even imagine it. My mind hadn’t changed until the very last minute. It was a difficult decision to make, but I decided to go. Many of my friends, rivals, coaches who I met from training in several different countries were all there in Tateyama where I started my journey of becoming an open water swimmer. It was an unbelievable site. They all came to me, talked to me and gave me hugs despite the race being minutes away from starting. I was happy to see them, but that hurt. THAT. HURT. What on Earth am I doing here not competing? If I was racing, I could have won a medal. Competitors who were in the race was a little easier to beat than the previous Pan Pacific from 4 years ago. Other than the winner today, I have already beaten before I got sick. BUT, THERE IS NO “IF”. Tateyama was the first open water race I competed, and this sea was the sea where I became Japanese champion. This sea was where I sailed off to the big world. The reality of not being in Tateyama as a competitor today set in. There will be no more Pan Pacific held in my hometown. Since 2nd of June, I have been feeling a terrible pain in my chest. My stomach hurts daily. Good night sleep was a thing of the past. I thought that I was mentally tough all my life, and I didn’t understand what was happening to my body. Why haven’t I taken some rest earlier? I was at my peak after high altitude training up in mountains, I was too cocky. I couldn’t ask my coach to rest my body despite the fact that I needed it. I wanted to challenge myself but that thought took over control of my body. Why did I race a week before Pan Pacific? Why didn’t I tape a time chip like how I usually do? During the qualifying race, my hand hit another competitor’s hand which made
from https://www.instagram.com/yasunari_hirai/